When do we start accepting ourselves? The moment someone else does or is it possible to be okay with our own validation?

Why do we all secretly care what others really think of us?

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I recently had a conversation with an acquaintance and more or less I agreed with her on what we were talking about. We were having a discussion about guys and them liking her. She said “It’s weird to me to know that guys find me attractive. That they would like like me or think I’m pretty…” It wasn’t word for word but the context is correct. The girl I was talking too was in no way unattractive. She was average, she was cute, sweet, adorable, she’s the girl I would assume would always get attention from guys. And for the most part, she did. Most of the time, when she met my guy friends, my guy friends would compliment her on her looks. So I was bit confused when she told me it was weird to her that guys think she’s attractive. I wasn’t sure if she was either being modest, fishing for compliments, insecure, or seriously had no idea she was pretty? Either way, I feel the same way sometimes, IF and WHEN the opposite sex actually thinks i’m attractive and they tell me, I’m at first confused and I wonder if they are on some type of drug or just need something from me. Anyway, it got me thinking, Do you start accepting yourself the moment when someone else accepts you? What I mean by this is that do you need someone to let you know how pretty you are for you to realize that you are pretty.

For a long time, that’s how I thought things worked. I wasn’t good at something, pretty enough, or even smart until someone acknowledged it for me. I’m learning though that things don’t have to be that way and it shouldn’t be. The biggest thing is accepting and acknowledging for yourself that you are all those things. Don’t sit around and think you aren’t worth anything if people aren’t letting you know. It’s easier to say then do, I know trust me. I’m learning to love myself and accepting who I am and knowing it’s alright if I don’t get validation from other people. It would be nice but I need to know that it’s okay not to have that all the time because the most important opinion that I care about is the one I have on myself.

So yeah, there were times when guys told me they liked me (rare occasion) and I assumed they just needed something from me and that they were super desperate. It didn’t really occur to me that maybe I was attractive to guys because I never validated myself that I was pretty. Another problem I have is that if I didn’t get any attention at a bar or a party, that meant I was ugly. Yeah it sucked and I hated that feeling, but I’m choosing to tell myself IT’S OKAY, you’re still ok Mac.